Hope

This is my first blog, so for those that may not be familiar with my situation, let me introduce myself. My name is Billy Black, I am just a regular guy that is trying to get the most out of daily life. I love to laugh and most importantly, I love to make people laugh, some would describe me as "The life of the party"...some may describe me as "difficult" and others may have more unkind words to say about me, but people are entitled to their thoughts and opinions. I am a disabled person and have been in a wheelchair since 2004, due to an auto accident, hence the blog name "Views from the chair"..
 Hope : People either have it or they dont and whether or not you do, can really affect your life in so many ways. Before my accident, I had a good life. I was married, had a good job and was surrounded by many people I thought to be my friends, my "Church Family". It was during this time of my life that I thought I was happy, but in all honesty, I was only content. Life changed for me on April 20th 2004, I had this habit of sleeping while driving (its a bad habit, that I do not recommend for anyone else) and I hit a tree at 72 m.p.h., now I didnt know it at the time, but this was about to be the beginning of a whole new life for me. Over the next year, I would spend over 40 days in the hospital and 10 months in a nursing home/rehab facility. During this time, I had a string of events that happened to me that would shape the person I have become today. First, my "church family" abandoned me, which has pretty much turned me against organized religion altogether. The time I spent in that nursing home, I refer to as "doin time"..because it felt very much like a prison sentence in so many ways. It was after I returned home that things really began to unravel for me, My wife and I got a divorce I moved into my current location and had to have 24/7 assistance, it was not a good time for me to say the least. Most days I would sit around and wish for death to find me, because I felt so abandoned and alone, but most of all, I felt like a burden on my family, this led to state of depression. I was embarrassed to be seen and didnt want to leave my room, much less my house, in essence, I had lost all Hope. I made the choice that suicide was the only option, so after writing my note and preparing everything, it was time to "off" myself. I put a 9mm in my mouth and as I went to pull the trigger, my finger locked up, I couldnt do it, I "chickened out", so I sat there for 10 minutes crying with that gun in my mouth, thinking about my life up to that point,when the realization hit me, that would be the most selfish thing in the world to do, and anyone that knows me will tell you, I am not the selfish type. The next day when I got out of bed, I made up my mind that I would do something that I hadnt been able to do and try each day until I could do it again, this worked for me as each day I could do a little more than the day before, in other words, I once again had Hope. With a renewed sense of purpose I began what I like to refer to as my "comeback". I had some good days, some bad days, but through it all, I never lost Hope. Just in the last 3 years I have gone from needing assistance and a caregiver living with me, to being fully independent, living alone and once again enjoying life to the fullest. I have been so blessed with great family support and some true friends, thanks to social networking, I have reconnected with lifelong friends and made some new ones along the way. The embarrasment I once had about going out or any of my friends seeing me, is gone. I have accomplished alot in a few years, which makes me excited about where I will be in a few more, and all because I have Hope...Its a funny thing, hope...without it, life isnt worth living, but with it, you can accomplish most anything...Thats just my opinion and my thougt on the matter of Hope...and from where I am sitting..its a wonderful thing...until next time, I wish you Peace, Love, Happiness and most of all Hope...